Gentlemen's Page
Latest update: 2/4/03
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This page contains guy related things.
You know, the jokes you shouldn't tell in front of women,
and cartoons or pictoons* that only men are likely to find funny.
Also provided are some useful observations regarding
man/woman perceptions intended to help my fellow man.
* - 'pictoon' is a term believed to have been first coined by Aj,
and refers to pictures with words or captions added...
as opposed to a hand drawn cartoon.
This will NOT be a Porn site - ever!
and... by the way... Smoking IS allowed
and there are ashtrays everywhere.
The beer is in the fridge...help yourself!
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Women Talk all the time, here's What She Really Means
Women ask...
Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer
from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a
male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the
bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormones modify behavior.
We're just misunderstood.
Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him
happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is
just an added bonus.
Why can't men just share their feelings? Do we look like women to
you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different?
How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how
we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage,
hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel.
Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
Why do men have to act like such retards? Well, we don't actually
have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride
in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.
Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every
time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
Why can't men cuddle more (IE: lie down and hug)? Please...
How many hours do you think there are in a day? We oblige
you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can
stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters...
Need go roam... Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest...
Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand
is a whole other story.
How can men sit on their asses all day without moving? Men have very
powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us
to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In
prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for
extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful
hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time
thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were
all gobbled up by saber-toothed tigers etc. The end result is that
almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.
Why can't men just say "I LOVE YOU?" Men are taught from a tender
young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent
to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault.
It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.
Why do men say "I LOVE YOU" when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think
it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly,
it actually still works quite well.
Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much.
Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
Why doesn't my partner ever answer me? We just simply don't
have the energy to answer every single one of your questions.
If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the
answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that
much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
The real reason is that when we get up in the morning
we're gonna put those same clothes back on in the same
order that they came off. We don't pick 'em up because
we're not finished with 'em yet!
What's with all the belching and farting? This usually
only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to
let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe
it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides,
holding it for extended periods of time gives us
stomach cramps.
Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just
want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend
hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of
killing? Err... buying?
But, here's how wise we are...
Men know....that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect
the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know
that the woman will get ticked off when they do,
for reasons not totally clear to them.
Men know....that there is no such thing as a sure thing,
unless her name is Bambi.
Men know....that it's never a good idea to tell your
father-in-law how good his daughter is in bed.
Men know....that men are from here, and women are from way the
hell over there.
*******
even Grandpas know...
On television my 88 year old stepfather and I saw an
attractive woman wearing an evening gown with leg
openings going all the way up to her waist.
"Why do they wear gowns like that?" he asked.
"Maybe that style makes their legs look longer," I speculated.
"No," he said," I think it makes the men look longer."
*******
click here to see some terms used in Feminine Language
*******
Quick Joke...
Todd and Brian go out for a drink. Todd notices Brian is a little bit
on the cranky side. Todd says, "Brian what's wrong with you.
You are acting like you have PMS."
"No, I don't have PMS, but I definitely think I am suffering from
the male counterpart which I call SRH."
"What's that stand for?" asks Todd.
Brian says, "Sperm Retention Headache."
*******
The problem with communication in marriage is that every time the
husband has words with his wife, she has paragraphs with him.
*******
I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot.
It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there:
They have no wife to go home to... or they do.
*******
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another...
A female police officer pulled over a man
for DUI; and said, "You are under arrest.
Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk appeared to be thinking for
a moment. He then slowly announced,
"Tits."
*******
If you'd like to see more Ladies,
try Blondes, Brunets (Brunettes) or Redheads.
Or how about The Perfect Woman
PS - Have you ever heard of the IWH?
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